Dos and don'ts while raising a child

August 20, 2018 0 Comments A+ a-

This is a picture representing a mom spending time with her son

"How to raise a child?" is one of the most searched topics in Google. There are about a hundred different ways of parenting. And another hundred ways to be a good parent.

Being a full-time mother of a 4-year-old kid, it is really tough to raise my son. I often google and get advice from elders and friends about raising my child. I have also seen other mommies like me trying various methods to make their child a better human. So, here I have penned down some of the dos and don'ts while raising your child.

Let's start with what you have to do.

The Dos:

Spend quality time with your child:

This is the most important one. You should spend some quality time with your child every day.

Leave all your work and sit down with the child. Play with him/her. Do what they want you to do. Let them take the lead. You may also exchange your roles. Be the child and let your child be your mom assisting you.

Create a good bonding. This initially built bonding will be till the end. Child and adolescent psychiatrist has advised you to spend time with your child. No smartphones or tablets, just you and your child.

If you have more children, spend at least 5 minutes with each of them separately.

Praise them often but selectively :

We love to be praised by others, and so do our children. Just tell your son /daughter that you are proud of them and see their reactions on their faces. You can see a sparkle in the eyes with a broad smile.

My son loves to hear it from me. You can either tell " you are smart and mommy is proud of you " or " I am glad that you have done a good job. Keep it up!" , to your child. These are the magical words. It gives them self-esteem and encourages them to repeat the work happily.
But be careful with the words you use to praise them.

Don't overpraise them saying they are great and no one could push them down to a lower level. The over praising words slowly make them feel superior over others and develops unwanted complexes.

Tell them stories with moral values :

Children love to hear stories. Tell them stories with good moral values which mold them to have a good behavior. Tell stories of inspiration and perseverance.

Do tell them your family stories too. The way you grew up or how to achieved in your life. Make them understand your situation and encourage them to be kind to all members of the family. Help them understand that he/she is a part of the family.

Make them engage in family functions and get-together so that they come to know the value of relationships.

Practice gratitude :

Practice gratitude with your children regularly. Appreciation should not contain only gifts, you can either take them to their favorite play area or can join them in classes in which they have interest. Teach your children to be thankful for what they have or get. Let them have a broad perspective.

It takes time for children to show gratitude. So don't worry if he is not grateful.

Do prioritize your friends and teach them the value of friendship:

Good friendship gives happiness. Help your child to develop his friendship. Kids start making friends when they start their schooling in kindergarten. Your children should know the value of friendship. They grow by seeing you.

I know you hardly get time to talk or hang out with your friends. But you should make time to spend with your friends too. Only then your child will know the value of the social relationship. Plan a hangout with your pals. Take your children with you and invite your friends to get their children. Whether it may be a park or play area.  Enjoy your time while your children enjoy theirs.

Encourage your children to make friends. Organize a playdate at home and invite friends.

Listen to them:

Like us, children to don't like to be lectured. They don't like parents saying what they do is wrong. Mainly when you say "don't do this" or "is this the way to behave?" Slowly they start seeing parents as a person with authority and develops a dislike towards them.

Be kind and gentle. I know you get tensed when your child misbehaves. But, first, take a deep breathe and relax. Say "calm down " to yourself. Ask your child "why you did this? " and he will have an answer. Listen to him. Once he feels that you listen to him, he will feel a positive bonding with you and then explain what he did was wrong or he could have done it the other way.

I know this is hard to cool yourself first without bursting out. But with repeated trails it is possible.

Explore their feelings and Teach them good discipline :

Children don't misbehave naturally. If they misbehave, then it is due to either of the reasons below:
1. They have been conditioned or pushed to misbehave.
(Or)
2. They have not been taught of good manners and how to behave.

Everyone in this world wishes to be treated with respect. So do children. They too deserve to be treated with respect and love. They learn from you. They observe you all the time. The way you speak and behave.

First, try to understand your children's feelings. Watch their every move. If they seem to be dull or not as they used to be before, then it means they have something in their mind which troubles them.

Spend time with your child. Try to find out the reason. Assure him you are there for him always and motivate him to speak out. Help him to understand the world around him and his role in the world. Teach him about controlling his emotions and how his emotions affect himself and others around him.


The Don'ts:

Don't protect them from failure:

This is a picture of a mother protecting her children

Let your child learn that failures at part and parcel of life. It is hard for you as a parent to see your child fail or being upset about things. You immediately go to their rescue. But, let them learn from their own mistakes.

How do you teach your child to ride a bicycle?

You hold the cycle a few times when they start riding for the first time. Slowly you remove your hand and let them balance and drive on their own.

Similarly, they have to learn to balance life. You have to let them fall and rise to learn the realities of life. They have to face conflicts, hardships, betrayal, struggles and consequences in their future. So, prepare them for their future.

Don't compare and criticize:

Each one of us is unique. I don't like being compared with my colleague or friend.
Do you?
There will be a big NO.

Don't compare your child with another child. Criticizing them in public make them worse. Avoiding criticism improves their self-esteem and motivates happiness.
If your child behaves badly, stay calm ignoring it. If he repeats it be patient enough to tell him politely how to behave and what he does is wrong.

Do not compare your children with each other if you have multiple children. There will be a difference in activities between the elder, middle and the youngest one. Each individual will have their own strengths, so focus on that. If younger is good in studies, do not compare him with the elder. The elder may do his bed properly whereas the youngest may not.

Encourage and praise each one for their efforts to do their best. This motivates and molds them into a better human.

Don't impose your thoughts on them:

Imposing your thoughts or ordering them to do what you say gives a negative picture. Children do have their own thoughts and dreams. No child will obey you if you order them.

Find their interests and dreams. You may give a suggestion about what they have to do. Implying it is their choice. Children do need freedom within limits. Unless what they do is wrong, leave it in their choice.

Don't get them everything they wish or want:

It is similar to the first point in don'ts. Your child should realize that he/she cannot get everything they ask or wish for. This should be practiced from a small age. Getting them everything makes them stubborn and arrogant. They grow thinking they could get anything. And if they don't either they lose heart and get depressed or may harm themselves or others to get things done.

This is not good.

I know you earn for your children and you want to fulfill their dreams. But this is not the right choice.

Tell them NO at times. Be stubborn about your decision. Explain to them they could get it later someday. Teach them to be patient. Once they get used to it, they can survive any difficult situations.

Don't give any electronic gadgets like smartphones and tablets:

A child psychologist has said that children using smartphones and tablets for longer hours are slow in learning and have a bad handwriting. They sit idle in a place without making a mess around which is good but the side-effects of using gadgets are worse.

Children develop white patches on eyeball which leads to cancer in eyes said by a recent research.

Engage them in other activities like coloring, reading books or other indoor games while you prepare your meal or do other household works.

Your children's physical and mental health is more important than anything else.